Do you have any idea how much of a pain in the hiney this blog has been.....NO, I don't think you have. First, I thought I could just create a second blog ( it would be spin-off of Womb Warriors) with my email address...fail, then I created one with the title that I was considering but it just didn't feel right, so it sat there, page open, staring at me...fail! Next I proceeded with an email address I created for the book, but it didn't want to let me continue without some kind of verification that was sent through an email...which never came...fail!!!
I waited and waited for a title for this blog to come to me, one that would jump out and slap me in the soul....like I said, I waited and waited....and waited. Finally the other day I was sitting in the parking lot and it came to me, Copacetic (one of my favorite words meaning "completely satisfactory") Karma (another favorite meaning "an action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad"), so there you have it, at this time of my life I am bringing upon myself "completely satisfactory results", I contribute this to the fact that I am learning to let go, to loosen the reigns of control and to try and enjoy the moment I am presently in...even if that is (at this very moment) one 13 year old calling a 5 year old names because she accidentally hit him with her toy as she is running around the house with our dog LulaBelle like a wild banshee howling like a werewolf while my 15 year old is begging (loudly) for everyone to please be quiet so he can watch TV and my 10 year old just brought me a slip of missing assignments that belongs to Bubby that someone wrote "one cock" on (because Ukie thinks his life's mission is to tattle on everyone).....so there I am, learning to loosen the reigns...allowing things to sort themselves out, or better yet, for it it get so loud and chaotic that The Husband can't take it any longer and he comes in and lays the law down, yelling at this one to act his age, that one to calm down and stop running around, for the older teen to chill out and telling Ukie that no one likes a snitch. I think I like handing the reigns over every once in a while.
I have had dreams of blogs since the 19th of November, and thought about writing them down, but....well...I didn't, so of course that means that they are long gone and lost forever in the abyss that I call my brain. I remember the date though because I had asked Facebook friends what they thought about dating anniversaries....so to wrap up my first blog, I will give you a glance at what I remember about what was supposed to be my first official blog.....
What is So Important About Anniversaries ?
I guess to some a simple date on a calendar might not mean too much, as long as you remember the big ones right?
For some of us though anniversaries are HUGE and they are cause for big celebration. Casey and I got married July 1st, 2006 and so he feels that is the only anniversary that we need to celebrate, but for me, I appreciate the time we dated before our wedding, time we had to learn about one another, the good and the bad. We had fun in each others company and I feel like by not acknowledging that time, we are robbing ourselves. When you have lived a life like I have, small things like your 30th birthday are exciting and tearful because 30 was an age I never thought I would live to see.
The 19th of November is a HUGE anniversary in my life, it celebrates the release of a relationship that was toxic and deadly, and it celebrates a life I found with a gentle, kind and loving man, a man I knew would never lay a mean hand on me. This day represents a struggle coming to an end after I had worked so hard to create a safe home for my babies to come live in and a team effort to take my babies back. Besides it being Bubby's birthday it is also a day where I was able wake up on my own without the assistance of meth.
I remember dates, like December 22nd, the day that John took my babies from me. I remember that day like it was yesterday, it was such a sad day. That day is also the day that Casey and I had to take his dog Kitty in to be put down, and we finished the day off by hiking up Wolf Creek Falls. I doubt Casey would remember that date, but I do, it was the worst day of my life. It is also important for me to remember that day because it changed my life, that day, December 22nd, 2003 was the day I hit my rock bottom, the day that I forgot how to breathe, the day the universe set me onto my destined path for the better, even though I couldn't see that at the time.
For an addict, for a mother who has felt loss, for a victim of domestic abuse, a simple date that one might not find "important" enough to remember or celebrate, could be everything to them.
So there you have it...I blogged!!! I found a title I like, I created a new email, I created a blog!!
I can't promise you that the blogs will get better or be of any relevance, but I have thoughts that roll around my head and they need an escape.
( I am also open to discussion topics, ideas, suggestions)
Till next time!!!
Peace and Blessings