Whats the rush? It seems in this life, in the world we live in, things need to been done swiftly, we need to be here or there and we are always rushing around in such a hurry. What a waste of a life don't you think?
The oldest teenager and I were driving into town the other night, and I changed the radio station to listen to Christmas music, which I wait all year for. He groans in protest and it begins a conversation about our difference in the holiday spirit.
It seems that my oldest has developed a dislike for the Christmas holiday...say whaaaaaat? How can any child that I have birthed from my womb, have a dislike of Christmas??
From October 31st until January 2nd, that is my favorite time of the year. I feel that people are a bit nicer, more giving, and more considerate of others. There is a crisp feel to the air, like wearing a coat but you have a little redness on your nose. I love the Christmas music and the decorations, the sound of the bell ringers in front of stores and the friendly nod that you get from random strangers as you walk by them.
The teenager asks me if I feel how rushed it gets around the holidays? I thought about it for a moment and told him that I felt just the opposite. I feel like time moves slower during the holiday months, and perhaps that is why I enjoy them so much. I felt a sadness come over me as I looked at my teenager staring into his phone screen and thought to myself.....when did he feel like it was time to grow up so quickly, when did he lose that wonderment that comes along with Santa and Christmas, when did he lose that innocence?
It is all happening to quickly, wasn't he just in diapers, or showing me that he could ride his bike without training wheels, or what about when he would just crawl up into my lap and cuddle with me until he fell asleep?
Today my teenager wakes up and immediately gets on that damn phone, and goes to school for the entire day, only to come home, do his chores and get back on his phone. Even without the phone, I just miss the time with him. His mother, grandmother and aunts are no longer the most important women in his life, we have been replaced by his girlfriend. His dad, grandfathers and uncles are no longer the most important men in his life, they have been replaced by his friends.
Hot wheel cars are now packed away and he is riding around in real cars driven by his older friends. Time keeps moving forward and I feel like I am stuck in a vortex just watching it all happen (since I am in a vortex perhaps that means I will cease to age...crossing fingers).
Have you ever been to Mexico? Folks down there don't really have a concept of "time". When someone says they will come by, expect them sometime between breakfast and dinner. They are very rarely in a hurry, rather, they go about their daily lives and get done what they can, and they'll just pick up tomorrow where they left off today.
Why are we in such a hurry in this life? As children we can't wait to grow up and for what? So we can wake up and rush to get ready for work, stare at a clock all day so that we can rush home to hurry and get dinner done, bathe the kiddos and get them in bed, and then we enjoy the remainder of our evening trying to keep our eyes open while our partner is trying to tell us about how rushed their day was. We rush and rush our entire lives, and the next thing you know, your life is over. If I only have one life, I don't want to waste it rushing, I would rather take my time, and enjoy each minute of the time I have with my kids, my husband, my friends and family.
I know that we can't slow time down, I am a realist, but I feel like I have been so rushed in my life that I forgot to slow down enough to really watch my kids grow up. I only have two more years before my oldest is out of high school and out doing what he chooses, and two years behind him is Bubby.
I used to think parents who kept their kids home from preschools were insane, how could they not take advantage of some adult time without a kiddo constantly pulling at you? I get it now, I finally understand!! Kameo is the last baby that I will ever have, the last time I will ever feel those tiny kicks inside my belly,the last time I will ever experience the pains of labor, and the last one to breastfeed, or to snuggle up in my arms and sleep for hours. My sweet girl will be last diapers I ever have in my home or the pitter-patter of her little feet running down my hallways. I cannot stop her from growing up, I have tried believe me, but despite my attempts to keep her little, she is still growing into such a beautiful little lady. Kameo has lost two teeth now and it's now time for the tooth fairy to visit her while she sleeps, only now, the oldest teenager sneaks in to replace her bagged tooth with money. My little girl no longer needs help getting herself dressed, hair or teeth brushed, and she is learning how to tie her own shoes. I may not be able to slow down her growing up but I can keep her home with me another year so that I can cherish this time I have with her. The time I keep her home is more time I GET WITH HER, rather than a teacher getting with her.
Our time with our children is so precious, and I really didn't understand the reality of this, until my son started replacing family time with girlfriend time, dad time with friend time, and mom time with a phone, or until I realized that my son no longer finds the Christmas time magical.
I will never lose that magic that comes along with Christmas, and I still so badly want to believe that there is really a Santa and reindeer. I love the cards that are sent, and the pictures of families in front of their beautiful trees, I love the smell of a pine tree in the living room and the idea of a white Christmas....I said idea, I don't actually find snow cover appealing when we have to travel for Christmas.
(Ok...here is my issue with that nasty white stuff......I love snow when it is falling,and when everything is covered with White..BUT...as soon as it gets dirty or you can see grass sticking up through it because people have walked through it, my brain goes NUTS and I want it gone. I can't handle dirty snow..eeeekkkkk........ I also do not think it is fun to walk in, drive in, or even really play in. I don't want to intentionally go play in something that is going to make me colder than I already am. I remember as a child getting my snow gear on and playing in it, making snowmen and whatnot, but as I have gotten older, I just don't like it...I could never live in Alaska. If I were an animal I would probably be a bear and just sleep though the whole snow season.)
I was an evil parent this weekend and I made the oldest stay home the ENTIRE weekend. He has been going non-stop for about a month now and I have decided that one weekend a month, my family will go nowhere and do nothing other than home or family stuff. Today, we spent the day doing NOTHING, and it was WONDERFUL. I didn't even get out of my pj's today. Casey and I worked on Christmas gifts, and the kids played games and watched some movies. It was the best weekend. I think that even if everyone does their own thing, while all in the same house, it is still a day to cherish as a family. Our internet was out due to weather for most of the day so we spent some quiet time, and the watched movies, and then cooked dinner, and now we are all headed to bed, but you know what, I feel that we are all refreshed and renewed and ready for what the week ahead holds for us.
I hope you all enjoyed your weekend, had fun in the snow, and are all cuddled up warm and loved this evening!!
I think my pillow is seductively whispering my name.....I should probably respond, I have dreams I need to get to.
Goodnight all you beautiful people,
Peace and Blessings,
A.
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